Sunshine in Seattle

NOVEMBER 4th, 2019

The air was so thick my bones hurt. This kind of heavy mist was commonplace for my morning walks, but today especially that thick Seattle air was weighing me down. I felt more cranky than normal, so much so that children running along the streets brought me little joy. And those ridiculous health nuts that ran in 50 degree weather with their trendy North Face tracksuits left me particularly on edge. As a couple jogged past in matching clothes, I couldn't help but let out a big "oof!" that made their heads turn.

    "Be nice James, they're just trying to avoid that big ole Santa Claus belly you've been sporting the past few years!" Edith yelled from the shelter of her porch. I turned to join her under her tiny awning, but she stuck up her hand in protest.

    "What, you're not gonna let ole Chris Kringle in from the rain and snow?"

    "It's barely drizzling, I think you'll live. Besides, don't you have that book signing this morning over at Applegates?"

    "Yes, I must hurry! Over 5 people are waiting for this old grumpy Santa Claus to read a few pages from the book he published over 20 years ago!" I had at least 3 more quips locked and loaded ready to hurl Edith's way, but instead I felt that sharp pain in my bones and was rendered speechless.

    "Hey, you ok there? That pain in your arms back again?"

    "Ya Edith, its fine. You can stop mothering me now!" 

    Edith dropped the sarcastic smirk she normally wears and reached out her hand, this time with concern. "James, I'm worried. If this pain hasn't gone away, you should really see a doctor."

    "I said I'm ok!"

    "At least come inside for a rest. Your throngs of adoring fans can wait a few more minutes."

    I thought about taking her up on her offer, but something told me to keep moving forward. "No it's ok, really. I'll be fine Edith, I think I just need to walk a bit more, get the blood flowing."

    She looked down at me hesitantly and, after a long pause, looked me up and down and said "Ok, take care of yourself."

    "Don't you worry, my dear. Santa lives forever!" I tipped my hat and she blew me a kiss, the same as we've done for years, and I pressed onward.

    The walk to Applegate's bookstore was maybe another quarter of a mile, and I had plenty of time to get there, so I decided to walk through the park. While the evergreen trees were magnificent to look at, I couldn't reach my head up to see their tops without getting water in my eyes. The rain was pouring down even heavier now and I began to regret not taking Edith up on her previous offer. The pain in my arm increased to the point where it almost became unbearable. I hadn't even realized that I fell to my knees until a stranger pulled me up off the ground in an attempt to stop any further descent. 

    "Are you ok sir?" The young man looked down on me with a serious expression of concern on his face.

    "Yes, son, I'm fine. Just thrown a little off balance is all." As I stood and got my bearings, I realized it has stopped raining. I began to look up at the tops of the trees and it was even more beautiful than I remember last seeing them. The pain in my arm must have been from the rain, because it was now suddenly gone. I couldn't wait to rub it in Edith's face that my pains were merely weather based.

    "Can I help you with anything else sir?" The young man no longer looked frightened and now spoke very calmly, which consequently made me smile what had to be the goofiest smile I've ever made.

    "No son, I'm great. Thanks for helping an old guy out this morning."

    "At least let me walk you to your next destination."

    Normally I'd say something snarky to a young man taking pity on me and treating me like the old man that I am, but there was something so nurturing and loving about this young man that we began walking together before I could say no. "What's your name son?"

    "Gabriel, and you sir?"
    "You can call me James, quit it with all the sir nonsense. I'm not your teacher or anything."

    "Whatever you say James."

    As we walked through the rest of the park, I was amazed at how beautiful everything looked in this newfound sunshine. It must have been a long time since the clouds were gone and the sun was out. Even the morning dew on the grass was exquisite. "I can't believe the rain just suddenly stopped like this. This never happens!" I said in disbelief. Gabriel smiled at me with an equally flabbergasted expression on his face. Suddenly, the smell of a nearby bakery wafted its sweet aroma in our direction and stopped me dead in my tracks.

    "Gabriel, do you smell that?! That smells like the sourdough bread my mother and I used to make!" I looked back at Gabriel, sporting yet another goofy smile. "It's like I'm a little boy back in San Francisco."

    "I do smell it, it's wonderful."

"Ha! Wonderful is putting it mildly! That bread was my one saving grace in an otherwise shitty existence." Gabriel looked at me inquisitively. "I was bullied a lot as a kid, and the one thing I would look forward to after a day filled with torment and beatings was baking bread. My mom would get all the ingredients together while I was at school and when I got home we would make sourdough loaves together. She somehow was able to take all of the pain I was feeling in my heart, pound it into the dough, bake it all away, and leave behind a warm, delicious snack. She made whatever had happened to me that day just disappear." I shyly wiped a tear from my eye as I remembered these wonderful moments, so as to not let Gabriel see. "We have to go in! See if it tastes like mom's too!"

    "Don't you have somewhere to be?" Gabriel asked with a smirk on his face.

    "Humpf! Yes!" I crossed my arms like a bratty toddler and we continued on. "Gabriel, have you ever experienced such a beautiful morning immediately after a torrential downpour?"

    "Haha, yes actually. More times than I can count!" Before I could ask a follow-up question, a couple of teen boys cut in front of us and pulled out a blanket and a large speaker, presumably to listen to some loud music and ruin the ambiance of the park. "Here we go Gabriel, I knew this walk couldn't be perfect."

    "What do you mean? Those kids over there?"

    "Ya, they're gonna play some crappy electronic music or something."

    "Hmm, you never know, sometimes people surprise you." Gabriel glanced smuggly.

    Just as I was about to impart some wisdom on this sweet but naive kid, I heard the first few notes of the song those teens were playing and was stunned into silence. "Our song." I whispered.

    "What was that James?"

    "They're playing our song." I stood melancholic as I heard those first beautiful words… I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. "This is the song that was playing when we first met. Or rather, when I first saw him."

    Gabriel took a second to understand the implications of what I had just said and asked "What was his name?"

    I almost couldn't speak with the lump that was growing in my throat. I finally let out a quiet "Adam". I swallowed that lump and continued. "I first saw him dancing in an underground club in SF. It was my first time going to one of those clubs and I remember being so nervous, until I saw him. The way he moved his hips. The swagger in his feet. The smile on his face. Every fiber of my being was glued to that beautiful man, and I knew that if I continued to stare at him, it would mean that I had a crush on him. I had never admitted to crushes on other guys before, and a small part of me said to look away, but my heart quickly silenced that voice. It was like in the movies, when the whole world just melts away, and all that was left was him. For the first time in my life I felt like myself, my true self, and I didn't care if anyone saw me staring. I was looking at an angel on earth, Gabriel, how could I not stare!" Gabriel chuckled. "For the first time, I let myself feel affectionate emotions towards another man, and it was so freeing. All I wanted to do was watch Adam dance forever. I wanted to be with him in every sense of the word, and I hoped to never be far from him ever again."

    "So did you dance with him?" Gabriel looked at me as if he already knew the answer.

    "Yes I did. We danced for 12 years before the outbreak. Before he got sick and everything changed." I stopped myself as we got close to Applegates. "Most couples get decades together, but for Adam and I, those 12 years felt like a lifetime."

"You two had something a lot of people on Earth don't get to experience. True love and belonging." 

"Yes Gabriel, that's very true." As I regained my composure and we approached the bookstore, I put my hand on the doorknob and froze. "Gabriel, something’s not right. How could it have been so terribly rainy this morning and then suddenly stop? And in the middle of February in Seattle no less?"

"I don't know, maybe a warm front came through?"

"What? That's not a thing around here!"

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?! Don't be dismissive with me!"

"Just open the door, James." Gabriel smiled another one of his overpoweringly warm smiles.

I looked curtly at Gabriel and finally turned the knob. As I walked inside, there was only one person sitting in a sea of empty chairs. The man turned around and smiled at me, as if he had been waiting a long time for me to arrive. He had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

I turned back to Gabriel and, with another lump in my throat, whispered "I understand now."

"Ok honey, I'm off. See you tonight!"

    "Bye Tom, love you." Jessica gave me the typical kiss goodbye as I rushed out the door to work. I figured I'd walk today, as it was only misting outside. The park was pretty empty as usual, but today I felt like the universe was telling me to walk by. I had a few extra minutes, so I figured what the hell. Just as I entered the park, the rain really started to come down. I pulled over my hood and marched on. "Why the hell did I decide to walk today?!" I texted Jessica.

    "Because your a free spirit, and your terrible at planning! ;)"

    "And YOU'RE a terrible speller! ;)" I chuckled to myself for that sweet burn and looked up from my phone. "What the hell?" There was an old man walking by himself trying to look up at the trees. "What is he doing?" I thought. He began to grasp at his arm. Suddenly, the old man fell to the ground. I rushed after him to see what had happened.

    "Are you ok sir?" I looked down at the old man wondering what made him fall.

    "Yes, son, I'm fine. Just thrown a little off balance is all." 

    As I went to pull him up, he collapsed again and started grabbing his arm even tighter.

    "Oh shit. Sir are you ok, what's wrong?" The man just stared at me and began to look again at the tops of the trees. I looked down to find him still clenching his arm. "Sir, I think you might be having a heart attack. Sir, can you hear me?"

    "Do you smell that? Is that mom's bread?" The old man began to slur his words.

    "Sir, can you hear me? Hello?" I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.

    "I can hear you. I've got sunshiiiine on a … cough cough … cloudy day." The man's words were becoming more slurred as he sang the song and he began to close his eyes.

    "Sir, stay with me ok! The ambulance is coming soon!" The 911 operator finally picked up. "Yes hello, I'm at Capitol Park and there's an elderly man here that fell. He has slurred speech and has been grasping at his left arm for a while now."

    The man looked at me and mouthed something with his lips. "I don't understand, sir." He ushered me closer as if he wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out. I leaned in to try to hear him more clearly. After a few seconds I could finally make out what he was trying to say.

    "Adam, I'm here."

    "No sir, my name is..." Before I could finish, the man slumped back on the ground and closed his eyes. He had such a warm smile on his face, it seemed impossible that he was already gone. I began chest compressions, waiting for the ambulance to arrive, but nothing worked.

When the paramedics finally arrived, they explained that the man suffered from cardiac arrest. "There's nothing you could have done." They said. "It was just his time."

I looked down at the ground and could only think to ask one thing. "What was his name?"

"James." The paramedic said matter of factly. She walked back to the van wheeling James away, and I was left alone.

I couldn't help but feel like something was happening to James just before he passed away. Maybe he was experiencing something supernatural. Maybe it was the synapses in his brain firing all at once that made him smell bread and hear music. Maybe he got to see Adam again, whoever that may be. I don't know. But as the paramedics wheeled James away, a car drove past us blaring My Girl by The Temptations. And there was a sliver of sun that began to shine through all the clouds in the sky. And somehow, in the middle of February in Seattle, the rain suddenly stopped.